Halsey got real on social media as they penned a message reflecting on the last decade of their life. The singer-songwriter confessed that they often wonder if they chose the wrong life for themselves.

“I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness,” Halsey posted on their Instagram Story. “I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself. And the weight of it is suffocating. I’m sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn’t served a greater purpose other than my own self-loathing.”

The singer-songwriter also shared that as they approach their 28th birthday, they are “just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18.” Halsey has always been vocal about their struggle with bipolar disorder and became an advocate for mental health. In a Rolling Stone interview, they opened up about how they have gone to extreme lengths to keep themselves safe.

Halsey also shared that they are hopeful to find their way to somewhere meaningful soon. They wrote, “I am wandering lawlessly and I hope to find my way somewhere meaningful soon so that I can give you the guys I’ve always known to scoop heapings of into your ears. They are shriveling lately. If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle. With love.”

Halsey is on the last leg of their Love and Power tour.